Our Life

My Past Is Not My Future!



Today I received a called from my ex-wife, which, I’ve been avoiding  for quite some time. But I decided to pick up. I guess curiosity got the best of me. Just hearing her voice, brought me back to a place that I really was not ready for. A lot has happened in my marriage to her so I certainly wasn’t ready for what I was hearing on the other end of the phone. I always knew that she still wanted to try to make it work but in my heart, I never could find forgiveness for her, because of the many things she has put me through, throughout our relationship together. So today certainly would be no different when it comes to that chapter in my life.

During the Thanksgiving Holiday,  My Daughter’s Other mother came to California to spend the holidays with us, she stayed for about a month and apparently news got back to my wife that she was here and trying to get her family back. But what upset me most. Is not the fact, that news got back to her but the fact she had the nervous to question me about it. I don’t get it. Because the last I checked we are no longer together and who I date shouldn’t be any of your concern. But I guess jealous run deep when you messed up  things with a good woman. But,  I can’t help but wonder what goes through a studs mind to think that you would want to rekindle something that was obviously no good in the first place.  And the second thing that puzzles me is the need to stay in contact with an old ex.  Now don’t get me wrong some people are fine with this.  But me, however, don’t have a need to keep in contact with someone who has clearly ” fucked up” in the first place.   And the third thing that puzzles me about  studs is why do you feel the need to hold on to so much jealousy and envy of another stud who has stepped up to do what you was incapable of doing? Through my years as lesbian women, I never got it when it came to studs, always so territorial. But I get it now! It’s clear that bad practice is a norm for them, just as restricting the one you love the ability to please you.

As she began the conversation. I already had a bitterness before she could even begin to speak.

Wife: Hello, I am so glad you answered the phone.

Me: Hello

Wife: How are you?

Me: I’m great, thank for asking

Wife: I know am the last person you want to hear from but I just wanted to call and check on you.

Me: Ok, am fine thank you

Wife: I received a call from an old friend named Queenie who is a friend of  your daughter’s  other mother. She said that she has spoken to her and that she expressed the need to try to reclaim her family.

Me: Really, Ok

Wife: she also told me that she was up there for the holidays and plan to move to California soon.

Me: Ok. and what does that have to do with you?

Wife: I just want to know are you and her getting back together?

Me: Well I wasn’t aware of this, however, you are asking me this why?

Wife: you know am Jealous and I really am not in any place to ask, but I just  wanted you to know that if you did this, it will hurt me.

 wow, should I care that she would be hurt? Not one bit.  However, what bother me the most that people still have a general interest in other people affairs. This always seems to bother me. That someone would go out their way to tell her about what going on in my life even through distance. Me living in California and the two of them in New York.

I want to thank them both for holding me in a special place in their hearts even through their relationships throughout the years. But somehow my Past will never include my future.


2 thoughts on “My Past Is Not My Future!

    1. I wish I knew the answer, but know one know what goes through the mind of stud when it comes jealousy. I guess they don’t want know one to have what they feel are there. like we are property or something. LOL


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